My Chaos… God’s Kingdom

I’m not sure where to even begin. I have sat down to write so many posts, and none of them seem to have been what God wants me to say. When I started this journey it was because I had been diagnosed with PCOS. While we had pretty much known that all along it was hard to hear those words, and I felt alone. However things changed and very quickly last year, and they have not stopped yet.

God blessed us with the most beautiful, joyful little girl at the end of 2022. With all the of the changes that God has made plus all the changes that come with a baby I have struggled. How can I struggle after such an amazing blessing that so many wait way longer for, or never get? Well, I have struggled to get a good routine going. I will get one set then our sweet little girl will have some rough nights (and maybe days) and it changes again. I have struggled to feed myself spiritually and spend time with my Heavenly Father.

Why is that such a big deal? Well because I am not growing myself or helping myself to be the Wife, Mom, or even Person that God wants me to be. I am distracted, which means I revert back to my trigger response of yelling at everyone. I am open to the attacks of the defeated one (Satan), and I believe so many lies because of it. Well about a week ago I was really struggling, I had a migraine so bad that I was involuntarily crying (just imagine that pain) and a cough that would often leave me in more pain due to the decreased oxygen intake. We happened to be at my parents with my family so I asked for prayers. While we were doing this God instructed me to be content in my situation.

I was floored, first off how to you not “fight” for what is right. Yes I am aware about fighting battles on my knees, it’s something that I alone am not good at. I am not good at being still and quiet, I never have been unless I was reading a book (like ask my teachers in school, I almost always got in trouble for talking). So I began asking God how to be content. As He (God) teaches me to be still and quiet, reaching contentment in him I will keep you updated.

I leave you with Phillipians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think of such things.” While I may not be good at being still and quiet yet as long as I am focusing on God and this truth I will prevail!