My Chaos… God’s Kingdom

Yes you read that title right. When you aren’t what your children need, has been on my mind a lot lately. Why may you ask, well because of the way the last month has affected my children. I do not think that it is talked about enough. I knew that my surgery and losing our sweet Hannah would impact my children but never in a million years would I have foreseen what my son is going through.

Our sweet, sensitive boy has shown so much bravery that sometimes it’s easy to forget that he not only lost a sister but almost lost his mama as well. Does he know all the details? Absolutely not! Has he picked up on the feelings and such surrounding my surgery? Most definitely. Since he returned from my parents house (none of this is their doing at all, just the impacts of the situation) our boy has been stuck to me like Velcro. Now I love that he wants to be close and that he loves and cares so deeply. For that I am so very thankful, but we started to notice some things that were becoming a problem. He isn’t sleeping well, his eating and drinking habits have changed, just to name a few of the things we’ve noticed.

At first this began to bug me, and I cried a lot. It was my fault after all… right? That sure is what Satan wants me to believe, that because of my surgery it was my fault. Which means that I am a horrible Mother and I was failing my son. What that jerk didn’t realize was he game to this fight unequipped for victory. I was given gentle reminders that I am not failing Him. I am alive and I am healing (not just physically, but emotionally as well), showing Him how to heal through Jesus is one of the most useful tools I could teach him. It is something He can use over and over again, and breaks a curse.

This photo you see below showed up on one of the Facebook pages I follow and it clicked. Our boy doesn’t need me or Daddy in this moment. He need Jesus, it’s the only way he will heal. To admit that I can’t do anything to heal him (I am not talking about loving on him and pointing him to Jesus. I mean there is nothing I can say or do to make what he went through all right) brings me peace. Take a minute to read the words.

So while I would love to fix it for my sweet boy, I will let go and trust that God loves him way more than I ever could and knows exactly what he needs. I pray that what ever is going on with your children that you stop fighting, or trying to fix it. Battle for them on your knees, ask the God who hears all your prayers (Psalm 34:7). He will keep his promises, just remember that may not look like what we think it should.

I love you and so does our good good Father! Many blessings