My Chaos… God’s Kingdom

Last week I wrote a post about finding it hard to find joy in the hard of the things going on. While some days it is still hard (especially when my blood sugar keeps rising when I’m doing all the right things), I have started using 3 words that has helped me to change my outlook on them.

I Get To…

I get to carry new life, which is such a blessing from the Lord. I get to poke my finger 4-5 times a day to ensure baby is safe. I get to take insulin to help my blood sugar come back into range to keep us safe and healthy. I get to walk this hard road knowing that… 1. it’s temporary, 2. I’m not walking it alone, 3. God will use this for good (it has a purpose), and 4. no matter how hard it is I have a choice. I knew after having gestational diabetes with our last baby it was a possibility it could happen again. I prayed and prayed, trusting the Lord to do his thing and keep my body aligned with him. I trusted and believed he would do it. When he didn’t do it and instead asked me to walk the hard road I cried, A LOT. My last experience was awful, I was belittled, and chastised for working hard and doing everything right, because my fasting just kept being high. Like I could control every aspect of this situation.

Four years ago I believed the lies that were being told to me. I wasn’t working hard enough, I wasn’t eating enough of the right things, or walking enough to help. The truth was the enemy was using it to tear me down, to keep me small and insecure. But God…

I am thankful that I am not who I was back then, I have grown in my trust in the Lord. I know that there are things beyond MY control and if I am doing what I am asked to do and working hard to be faithful to what the Lord has asked I will see the blessing. It doesn’t come without its challenges. I am tested daily with how I will choose to look at it and respond to each high, low, and in-between. Do I see my walking pad sitting in my living room as a chore or a bother? Do I see the food I eat only as a challenge because counting carbs is not fun to me? Do I choose to be defeated and beat down because what I am doing “isn’t enough?”
Answering those questions is where my faith and my trust in the Lord begin. It would be all too easy to sit on my couch and be mad. Mad at God, Mad at my body, Mad at… the list can go on and on right? The world would tell me that I have that right to sulk and be caught up in the sorrow of the situation.

But friends that isn’t what God asks of us. We are not to be of this world (John 17:14-16), doing what those who don’t know our precious Jesus would. We instead are called to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2), allowing the Lord to change us from woe is me to ok Lord I’m here for the ride, what’s next?

So while I may not understand what God is doing through this, or how he will use it, I trust him. I trust his timing, his reasoning, and I trust his promises. Sometimes trusting that is grieving what I wanted the pregnancy to look like. Admitting that it sucks, and I don’t like it. Then I will remind myself that I GET TO do this!

So my sweet friends when you are in the middle of the suck I pray that you find the “I get to” of the situation to give you a new look.
Much Love Stacie