My Chaos… God’s Kingdom

Some of you have followed the story that has been difficult to tell from the beginning of this journey. I have sat in as much silence as possible for weeks. Why because I yearn to hear the Father’s instructions as to what comes next. I have been in such a silent season for sooo long that I just want to hear Abba in his own way again. While I have gotten snippets and each time I feel the new life move I know it’s such blessing and fulfilled promise from Him. I know that God is still with me watching me, holding my hand and ultimately He has still been guiding me.

Ok so let’s back up a minute, in May (2025) I went to Colorado (with some women that mean the world to me) for a prophecy learning conference. Now I know some may read this and think “wow you have hit the crazy juice lady”, you my friend are entitled to that opinion. I have seen too much not to believe. Anywho, I received a prophecy of me hanging onto the hem of Jesus’ garment just like the woman with the issue of blood in Mark 5. By this point I had been praying for healing from PCOS for years. Now I have had some incredible testimonies come from God not healing me and for that I still praise him for! I still longed to be healed, and not just because God says he can, but because I knew God would. While I can’t tell you how I knew I just knew. In July (2025) me (and these women plus another so dear to me) went back to Colorado for a deliverance conference. During this conference the Lord allowed my healing to come, and He allowed someone very special to release it.

This healing started a new fire (refinement) season in my life, and boy has it been a ride. Before I left my Husband handed me a purse, but it wasn’t the one I asked for. He said but it all ready has feminine hygiene products in it you won’t have to worry about that. Prophetic words right there, I should have taken the purse! As soon as my healing was released my body started to change. I’m not going to lie it was a little painful, but think about how hard it is to stop believing the lies you have allowed in your mind for years. Now that that and apply it to your body, when you accepted PCOS and you allowed the lies to shape how you saw your body. This cycle was unraveling 16ish years of lies I had spoken over my womb.

We got home and I started talking and believing that the healing was done. No more “I have PCOS” or “My body is broken”. No more speaking “death” over my womb. This has not been easy in the least, but it has been rewarding. Almost one month to the day of getting back I was pregnant, almost 2 months to the day it was confirmed by a blood test. Our rainbow baby (for those of you who don’t know this story see the post A Brush With Death), our promise, another arrow to add to the quiver. This baby brings us to a total of 5 children. Five amazing little blessings that the Lord has given us. If you have ever experienced the loss of a baby (pregnancy or any age) you know that the next one comes with some grief mixed into the joy. Know Mama (or Daddy) that God sees you even now, you are not alone and He will restore what the locusts have taken (Joel 2:25). We have kept our little one pretty quiet in the public eye, we have been soaking in every minute. However that is only a small part of the story.

Since July when the breaking of this new ground started we have been through it. Pivotal moments in our marriage, relationships on the rocks, and people speaking death over many aspects of our lives. I went quiet, I started shrinking back because… well what if they were right? What if I was what I had always been, what if we missed the mark God was pointing us towards… what if…. Those can go on and on, and while I still stand (ok sit really) today writing this I know my worth and it conflicts everything said to me. We have received so many blessings that we had prayed for in Kansas. To be honest in Kansas I’m not sure my marriage would have survived the fire.

I am so thankful to the Lord that Isaiah 43:2 is so very true. I have gone through the deep waters and not been overwhelmed, I have walked through the fire and not been burned. God has been with us through it all, and it is time to stop shrinking back for anyone unless the Lord tells me too. If I am too much or not enough well lovingly that sounds more like a problem you need to take to the Lord. This fire is teaching Derek and I to have a better way of talking about things, my house is getting decluttered and organized, and my children are showing so much fruit. If you ask me the changes going on with in our 4 walls is proof that the fire isn’t meant to hurt us. It is meant to ignite us, the difference is in the choices we make.

What do you want, fire damage or beauty from the ashes?
Much Love, Stacie